‘No.’ is a powerful word.
‘No.’ is a full, whole and complete sentence.
Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, said ‘No.’ to the British Royal Family.
Naomi Osaka said ‘No.’ to the French Open and Wimbledon.
Nikole Hannah-Jones said ‘No.’ to the University of North Carolina Board of Trustees.
Each declaration of ‘No.‘ was done in her own way; each for her own unique circumstances and reasons.
However, their declarations of ‘No.’ reveal a common thread that ties these women together, and from which we all (women in particular, Black women especially) can learn some powerful lessons.
The common thread that runs through all of their unique reasons for saying ‘No.’ is trust in the knowledge of their own inherent self-worth coupled with the courage to prioritize their self-care above all else, in honor and support of their emotional well-being and mental health – both personally and professionally.
In societies and cultures where women are expected, trained, taught and indoctrinated to put the needs, wants and desires of others above our own (no matter how detrimental to our being … mentally, physically or emotionally), ‘No.’ is a powerful word.
In societies and cultures where women are expected, trained, taught and indoctrinated to spend every moment of every day giving the very best of ourselves to benefit others, and then find some way to live off the fumes of what may be left of ourselves to serve our own needs, ‘No.’ is a powerful word.
In societies and cultures where Black women, particularly, not only experience the same expectations, training, teachings and indoctrinations, but are also subject to having to endure the humiliation, pain, and heartache of racism and bigotry in the institutions and organizations of which we are a part, ‘No.’ is a powerful word.
In societies and cultures where Black women are only begrudgingly tolerated in institutions and organizations in which we have more than earned our place, and in which those same institutions and organizations expect us to shut-up about it and be grateful for that begrudging tolerance, ‘No.’ is a powerful word.
In societies and cultures where Black women are expected to offer up the fullness of our brilliance, strength, intelligence, talent and brand power to benefit institutions and organizations that do not celebrate us; that do not value who we are, what we do or how we do it; that expect us to do whatever it takes (even as they move the goal-post/change the rules whenever we do just that) – to sacrifice whatever is necessary (even if it means our emotional and physical well-being and mental health) – in order to be allowed into their rooms and at their tables to benefit them at our expense, ‘No.’ is a powerful word.
Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, said ‘No.’ She is now happily home in the U.S. and living her beautiful life, in health and strength, with her husband, son and brand new baby girl.
Naomi Osaka said ‘No.’ She has since graced the covers of both Vogue Japan and Time magazines; dropped her new line of Nike apparel; announced that she will be representing Japan at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics; announced her documentary series, ‘Naomi Osaka’ will air on Netflix starting this week; won the 2021 Espy Award for Tennis Player of the Year and the 2021 Espy Award for Female Athlete of the Year; and probably most importantly, she announced a new addition to her family…her sweet bulldog pup.
Nikole Hannah-Jones said ‘No.’ She is now joining the faculty of the Cathy Hughes School of Communications at Howard University as the inaugural Knight Chair in Race and Journalism – a fully tenured position – where she will also be the founding director of the Center for Journalism and Democracy.
‘No.’ is a powerful word.
‘No.’ is a full, whole and complete sentence.
‘No.’ is a courageous statement that establishes healthy boundaries by removing you from that which neither honors nor serves you, while at the same time creating space in your life for that which does to then enter, take root and blossom in ways you could never imagine.
‘No.’ enables you to prioritize yourself, tend to your needs, honor what you value and is the first step that puts you on the path of finding the places and spaces where you will be embraced and celebrated for the fullness of who you are, rather than maintaining your presence in places and spaces where you are barely, begrudgingly tolerated … all too often at much too great a cost.
‘No.’ is a courageous, powerful, manifesting act of self-care that honors your inherent dignity and self-worth.
‘No.’ honors what you value for yourself and what you hold dear for the kind of life and living you most desire by strengthening you to have the courage to walk away from who and what does not.
Every woman, especially every Black woman, whether celebrity or in our everyday lives, who learns how to effectively use the power of ‘No.’ in her life, for her benefit and for the benefit of the people and causes she loves and cares about, serves as a magnificent, unapologetically-empowered example to all of us and for that she should always be celebrated!
For all the ways you will prioritize your self-care by using the power of ‘No.’ to:
**remove from your life that which neither honors nor serves you;
**call into your life all that will embrace, celebrate and elevate you;
**create and live your ideal Life…by Design!℠ …
I say to you: